About I, Me And Myself!

One has read about ‘Ain al Haque’ – ‘I am the Truth’ – ever so often in Urdu literature. It is not very different from the ‘Ahm’ of Vedanta which means ‘Í’ or ‘Self ’. When applied to a person’s name, it means aligning oneself with the cosmos or ultimate reality. Poet-philosopher Iqbal, arguably the biggest exponent of ‘khudi’ or egoism (Self) sought to explain it as the creation of the divine attributes in man. Hazrat Ali remarked, ‘‘I am the speaking Quran.’’ Sarmad, the mystic, lost his head when he declared himself to be the ‘Truth’.
 
‘I’ is, perhaps, the most used word in any language. We love to hear our name all the time. Often, love for self is so deeply ingrained in the psyche that one develops a highly exaggerated view of one’s own self.
 
A child is given a name almost as soon as she is born. Through constant recall the name gets rooted in her being. While the child reacts to the name cheerily, she gradually gets used to be addressed by the same phonetic rhythm which keeps getting reinforced in the formative years and results in creating a permanent impact on her cerebral and emotional being. A lot goes on later in life that forces the child to grow up with a self-fixated orientation. How does this transition happen? We may look for an empirical and a non-academic explanation.
 
Children are generally free from the ‘i’ syndrome but some elements might creep in early on in cases where pampering has not been tampered with disciplining. Thus, too much attention and fullfilment of every wish by doting parents might lead to an unhealthy sense of self-importance, and promote the ‘i’ cult. Schooling in an exclusive environment and continued patronage could crystallize these traits. Such children are likely to nurture a high degree of self-importance in their growing up years and carry it on to adolescence and adulthood.
 
The problem arises when a person takes this trait too seriously and looks upon others as lesser mortals. Such a person becomes self-centred and egotistical. He is attention seeking and is always looking for an opportunity to upstage others.
 
Individualism is not a failing; it promotes healthy distinctiveness. It is a positive trait that provides sustenance for achieving personal excellence and in charting life on one’s own terms. But individualism should not become what Douglas Rushkoff calls a ‘new form of idolatry’, and thus an end in itself. The danger is ‘egoism’ and the obsession with ‘i’. This negativity in growing up years gets hardened with time and retards the growth of a well-rounded personality.
 
No one likes to be in the company of a person who keeps harping about his laurels. His cognition gets corrugated by thick layers of false pride and self-importance. Such people are not good listeners. Their attention span is short. Their restlessness to shift over to their own story being overpowering gets exposed during the course of a social conversation. It is a habit-forming attribute that can be fought back only by recognizing the shortcoming and working around it consciously.
 
The world is not devoid of talent and that the simplest of persons also have legends to share – many hugely interesting and worth recounting. Internalizing the experiences gotten from others provide good incremental learning progression, affording a healthy opportunity to absorb positive notes for building up a well-rounded personality. Personal enrichment comes from imbibing the best from others, rather than from blowing one’s own trumpet.

The Speaking Tree | Times Of India | Faizi Ozair Hashmi | faizihashmi@gmail.com

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Too many experts spoil the broth!

As surveys present contradictory statements, what stops you from listening to your own body for reliable advice? 

YOU should never mix your fruits, you know,” suggested a well-meaning friend as I helped myself to watermelon, muskmelon and grapes at a party. Ignoring him, I carried on with the juicy after-meal treat. “Actually, you shouldn’t be eating fruits at all after a meal,” he said, unrelenting.
 

I moved across to join another group of friends. Mr Well-Meaning didn’t take the hint; he tagged along. “Haven’t you heard that fruits are best eaten on an empty stomach? Fruits get digested pretty fast and when you combine them with food that digests slower, you are holding it up longer than necessary in the stomach, leading to fermentation.”
 

I gagged, and was tempted to empty my plate on his head. I somehow managed a more polite equivalent — gave him a loaded gaze and banged my plate on a table.
 

To my astonishment, he started helping himself to the fruit on my discarded plate, continuing his food homily. Ah ha, I thought viciously, so it was easier to preach than follow. “Of course, you know that high amounts of carbohydrates should never be mixed with proteins, though you can take a small amount –– that doesn’t confuse the stomach,” he smiled through a mouthful. “Carbohydrates compromise the digestion of proteins, leading to bacteria in the stomach and high cholesterol.”
 

I smirked, looking at his ruddy cheeks and protruding belly, on which rested a melon seed now, which moved up and down precariously with each laboured breath as he held forth. By now, he had got himself a second helping.
 

“And of course you must take vegetables with proteins always. Now,” he said, grabbing a Coke from a waiter, “never drink cold water during or after your meal. It solidifies the oils you have eaten and slows digestion.” I wondered how he could eat so heartily despite the health information overload he carried. He let out a satisfied belch. I wrinkled my nose, but there was no longer any question of my turning away from this mountainous fount of knowledge, so fascinated was I by the visible contradiction in what he said and did, without an iota of regret or guilt.
 

Aren’t we all a bit like him? We know what is good or bad for us, and yet quite often we can’t discipline ourselves. Contradictory messages from scientific surveys don’t seem to help either. We are told one day to avoid desi ghee like the plague, while another survey extols its virtues; one article quotes experts as saying the best way to start your morning is with fruits, while other experts tell you that the body is in its acidic state early morning to help kick start the day, and fruits tend to push it to its alkaline state. Drink six litres of water a day, exhorts one dietician. Nonsense, says another, drink as much as you comfortably can. Who do you believe?
 

Frankly with this, as with any other freely available advice, I have realised the best bet is to follow your own instincts. The wisdom handed down by mothers and grandmothers is equally reliable since that comes from their instinct and experience. What’s the big deal? Experiment intelligently and your body will give you all the answers to every fitness or dietary query.
 

If carbs and proteins together are bad, your bodily discomfort will let you know; if a cup of warm water or tea after a meal is good, your own feeling of well-being will tell you. Whether you feel sluggish or energetic after a few days of eating fruits on an empty stomach will tell you whether it is good or bad. If eating early helps you sleep well, do you need to ask anyone?
 

The idea after all is to feel and look fit. As for weight, I like to believe a friend, who years ago told me, “We all have a median weight; try as hard as you like; the moment you stop trying, just as water finds its own level, your weight too will come back to its comfort level.”
 

True or not, it gives me great comfort to believe that.

O-zone
Vinita Dawra Nangia 
TIMES NEWS NETWORK

Teens who argue back handle peer pressure better!

FIGHTING SPIRIT: A study says that teenagers who fight verbally with their parents are less likely to turn to drug abuse or alcohol

London: Does your child have a tendency to argue? Don’t worry, it’s good for them, as a new study has found that those who regularly fight verbally with their parents cope better with peer pressure and are less likely to turn to drug abuse or alcohol.

They are also more skilled negotiators and can “learn to be taken more seriously” after some verbal jousting with their elders, researchers from the University of Virginia have found. The researchers concluded that parents should consider actively starting rows with their teenagers just to hone their youngsters’ skills — even if it does result in an ear-bashing in the short term, the Daily Mail reported.

In the study, the scientists observed and made audio and video recordings of 150 13-year-olds arguing with their mothers. They then quizzed the teenagers three years later about their lives and experiences with drugs and alcohol.

Teenagers who displayed confidence and used reason to back up their statements in the arguments were more likely to have refused both, the researchers found. Lead researcher Joseph Allen, a psychology professor, said the connection between resisting peer pressure and a teenager’s ability to argue was “surprising”. He added, “It turns out that what goes on in the family is actually a training ground for teens in terms of how to negotiate with other people.”

Joanna Chango, a clinical psychology graduate working on the study, said that although it seemed “counterintuitive” to tell parents to let their teens argue with them, it was worth considering.

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