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Legs… not crutches!

HEART TALK

Parents cripple their children with their anxiety to see them excel. A mother, who doesn’t let go of her child’s hand, needs to understand that it is the fall that will teach the child how to walk eventually

Mahesh Bhatt

It’s my prized treasure. A few simple lines which came straight from her heart, and which now sit on a page in my special black and white diary. “Dear Papa. I love you sooo much. Thank you for not helping me at all during the filming of SOTY [Student of the Year]. Love, love, love… Alia Bhatt.”

And with these lines, Alia had given her first autograph. To her father, no less, who has the reputation of carving out careers for unknowns in the movie business. It’s intoxicating to see a flower bloom, a bird soar, and a dewdrop glisten. But the joy of seeing one of your children in that butterfly moment — turning from the proverbial caterpillar into a multi-coloured wonder of nature — surpasses all other highs. And more so, because my wife Soni, who is an actress of substance, and I, had resisted the urge to do anything to limit her flight with obsessive parental guidance and love; because we understood that our universe, no matter how big, would become her cage.
 

In her debut film, Alia had made us all very proud. All the more, because she did it on her own. She had written the first sentence of her own narrative with her own hands, not those of her parents.
 

Parents cripple their children with their anxiety to see them excel. A mother who doesn’t let go of the hand of the child who is learning to walk, is actually protecting herself from pain, should the child fall. She needs to understand that it is the fall that will teach the child how to walk eventually. The mother eagle hurls the baby over the cliff, and it is in that moment of life and death, as the baby plummets down, that it finds its wings, which then take it skywards. If animals can do it, why do humans cling onto their offspring for dear life? The dogma of every parent should be to give their children legs, rather than become their crutches.
 

Parents have one more final role to play in their children’s lives which, once again, animals play effortlessly. Having nudged their children into the stream of life, parents must refrain from burdening their offspring with a sense of indebtedness. The ‘youowe-your-parents-thismuch-at-least’ refrain is the worst form of parental exploitation that exists, particularly in India.
 

When my teacher and father figure, UG Krishnamurti, the man I owe everything in my life to, stepped into the sunset hours of his life, he gave me 2000 euros. ‘I want to die the way I lived. Just watch over me for a few days. The time for me to go is here’. And as I watched my father die, I couldn’t help marvelling at the fact that he had even provided for the funeral cost and refused to use me as his crutch. Now, that’s a true parent.
 

Bhatt is a director & producer. The opinions expressed in this column are the personal views of the writer 

 

The mother eagle hurls the baby over the cliff, and it is in that moment of life and death, as the baby plummets down, that it finds its wings which then take it skywards. If animals can do it, why do humans cling on to their offspring for dear life?